Living Lists: Modelling My ‘Bad’ Behaviour 2

Continued from: Living Lists: Modelling My ‘Bad’ Behaviour 1

Are judgement, criticism, shame and blame actually the most effective reactions for compelling long-term, intrinsically-motivated behavioural change? 

I will explore this question with a diagrammatic argument:

Our emotions and thoughts are the root cause of our behaviour and its consequences. We seem to often ignore this in our self and people interactions.
Tap the source
Bullseye
Uh oh!
Personally, my selfie-ware stick is my most prized self-portrait tool. I don’t even mind so much anymore about the bad angles it exposes.
Stating the obvious, but sometimes I think we could all do with validating these very strong motivators for people to understand how the threat of losing positive regard might influence our lack of self-awareness.
Of course we so often defend or reject awareness of less ideal aspects of ourselves! In the face of judgement, criticism, shame and blame, illusory defences can feel necessary unless a person can develop acceptance of their less ideal emotions, thoughts, behaviour and impact.
Modelling our own recognition of our emotional and behavioural processes via self-reflection can be a very powerful, yet subtle and gentle tool for helping others to develop awareness, insight and acceptance of their less ideal processes. It helps people feel okay to contemplate their human ‘imperfections’ and still feel part of the ‘tribe’.

So, in the ‘Living Lists’ section of my blog I will be counter-intuitively and counter-culturally exploring my own learnings about the culturally perceived ‘negative’ processes I’ve noticed in myself in an attempt to normalise them a bit. The ‘living list’ aspect just means I will be adding to my reflections as I notice or remember them because that’s how self-awareness and self-reflection work- they’re ongoing processes that need time and observation to develop the understanding.

Owing to these time-dependent processes, it’s an unreasonable expectation that any person can instantaneously and immediately change patterns of behaviour which are motivated by complex emotional and mental processes. It’s something I’ve personally come to validate, but also feel some exasperation when I see other people repeatedly, naively, futilely expecting instantaneous change of others or themselves. So I am attempting to honour and embody this recognition in the way I write.

The conclusion for this rationale of my ‘living lists’, in part 3, will be a self-testimonial about the utility of this unusual strategy. Coming soon…

7 thoughts on “Living Lists: Modelling My ‘Bad’ Behaviour 2

  1. OMFG I love your illustrations. They are perfect! I really suck at trying to explain stuff in any linear or logical fashion. My attempts at trying to visually depict my intended message at the most basic level don’t even come across this clearly

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I was thinking they look too unpolished, but my intention for the blog is to develop as I go and as long as they communicate what I want to say that’s the most important thing. Keep practising if there are things you want to explain visually! You can do it! I’ve just had lots of practise in my work and life.

      Like

      1. Heck yeah! I guess that’s a way we are similar: teach through demonstration. Just trying to figure it out as we go. 🙂 we repower ourselves when we refine and revise our work.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great. Third from bottom pic – All people need to feel positive regard for themselves…
    This is exactly right. Too often, we knock ourselves down. And then it affects everything. We could all do with a deep look at ourselves.
    Love your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I love your blog too. So much wisdom. Yep, we tend to dismiss our own and others’ need for this, when we’re distracted by the daily noise. And you’re right, it does affect everything.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Sunday, first of all, love the illustrations!
    “Owing to these time-dependent processes, it’s an unreasonable expectation that any person can instantaneously and immediately change patterns of behaviour which are motivated by complex emotional and mental processes.” I often have conversations with friends who want to change their bad habitual behaviours. What you just explained makes is so true. They feel motivated to change but are not patient and willing enough to go the whole way, because of this unreasonable expectation of immediate change. I think that wanting to change comes from a deeper meaning and leads to a higher purpose, as in “why” one wants to change and not simply “what”. Thanks for this great post! Looking forward to your next 🙂

    Like

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