Living Lists: Modelling My ‘Bad’ Behaviour 1

Living Lists

This section of my blog will be dedicated to regularly updated lists with self-reflections on instances of some of my own emotional, thought and behavioural experiences.

Amongst my focuses will be:

The stuff of dreams

A bit odd? Precisely.  

Why??? From my observation, these emotional, thought and behavioural experiences are normal, frequent human responses for everyone.

Not you, you say? That’s definitely a possibility. Or possibly your perceptions of these experiences are different to mine. The only logical way to test and verify that would be to browse what I conceive of as these experiences.

I’ve personally come to view these emotions and thoughts as useful and informative internally, but only when we can have a comprehensive awareness of them…

Conversely, these normal emotional and thought processes so often translate to habits that don’t work for individuals themselves, and very definitely cause issues between people from the micro-scale of individual relationships to the macro-scale of society. Therefore, they’re reasonably perceived and reacted to with judgement, criticism, shame and blame both by us ourselves and by other people. These four reactions seem to act as a team of quadruplets, attempting to provoke social conformity in behavioural habits.

Rightly so, you might say? They’re habits that cause damage and need to be eradicated. They’re worthy of those reactions. Unleash Team Social Conformity!

Sure. These habits I’m exploring can cause damage. Sure, the impulses for judgement, criticism, shame and blame are understandable reflexive reactions. Most definitely, it’s my belief – I’m absolutely, passionately, irrevocably convinced- that where possible humans seem to work better for themselves and for others when they can become aware of these habits and learn different patterns.

But hang on… Whilst judgement, criticism, shame and blame are understandable reactions, an equally important, but mostly neglected consideration is, are they always functionally helpful reactions? What’s the effective impact, the real influence of the judgemental, critical, shaming and blaming reactions on sustainably changing these habits? 

Sure, in a court of law, for example, judgement, criticism, shame and blame are the aims. The judicial system is just the manifestation of the most expedient strategies westernised human ideas have developed, so far, for attempting to control others’ negatively impactful behaviour. Most expedient. Easiest. Ubiquitously relied upon, normalised and therefore unquestioned that there could be alternative approaches. 

Are the Socially Conforming Quadruplets actually the most effective reactions for compelling long-term, intrinsically-motivated behavioural change? 

To be continued…. In part two I will explore my perception of this question in the form of a diagrammatic argument.

10 thoughts on “Living Lists: Modelling My ‘Bad’ Behaviour 1

    1. Haha! Me too! I have a (decreasing) proclivity for lists! I’ve been easing myself out of the frequent habit in recent years because I noticed my listing was compelled by an anxious need to have everything ordered and organised and it didn’t serve me well! There will always be use for a good list, though, and this section of my blog will be one experiment : ) Thank you for sharing : )

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  1. Very thought-provoking. Indeed, these “shadow” sides of ourselves (i.e. selfishness, hypocrisy, etc.) often serve a useful purpose. It’s only, as you said, when we’re unaware of these traits or when we allow them to run rampant with no regards to the consequences that they can cause issues.

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    1. I so agree : ) Some of the most useful, growing insights I’ve had about myself are from paying attention to these things and what they mean about what’s important just to myself, which in turn helps me limit their impact on myself and other people.

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  2. Interesting post. As you mentioned, normal emotional and thought processes so often and so fast, it translates to habit. When unaware of our habits, we rarely reflect on them.

    I had the issue of blaming others constantly without reflecting on my own thoughts and actions. That was until someone mention it to me and made me see what I was actually doing. It was at that moment of regaining awareness of this habit that made me change my thoughts and actions. Otherwise, I would have just continued living my habit.

    Awesome post! Love it!

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    1. Thanks Ye Chen! That’s an awesome discovery and so great that it helped you make changes. Was it difficult to get that feedback at first? Did you feel some resistance? Or were you open and ready to get that feedback on your blame? Thank you for sharing, I really love hearing about other people’s experiences 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Back then, I didn’t search or ask for feedback; A classmate pointed that out. I definitely felt resistance and I wasn’t open for it at the very beginning. But within a day, I thought about it and I could admit that I was wrong.

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      2. Very familiar! It’s not common for people to ask for feedback! One day to soften and start to consider your classmate’s feedback isn’t long. You must have had a degree of receptivity already or your classmate presented the feedback in a less threatening way. Thanks Ye Chen!

        Liked by 1 person

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