Side-Note on Neediness

Redirected from Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth Part 2/3

Everybody has needs, therefore we’re all ‘needy’.

The most obvious behaviours of ‘neediness’ in the form of seeking care, requesting, or demanding to have needs met are just an active expression of needs in comparison to the passive expression of avoidance and withdrawal, which are often misconstrued as ‘not needing’.

Seeking and asking for care when it’s needed is a healthy, assertive behaviour, as long as it’s balanced with other people’s needs. Either end of the spectrum is unhealthy: not seeking or asking at all or, if a person is needing to ask frequently for the same thing it might be a sign their needs are consistently being unmet. Each person needs to self-reflect about what might be causing their unmet needs both internally and externally.

It may surprise many to realise that avoidance and withdrawal can sometimes be the exact opposite of ‘not needing’ and representative of an even higher reliance on others to meet needs than the more overt, but healthily balanced expressions of ‘neediness’. We often avoid and withdraw from something we might ideally want when we can’t find another way to meet our own needs and another isn’t compensating or the circumstances aren’t automatically providing it. Each person needs to reflect themselves on whether their avoidance and withdrawal is healthy and necessary (it sometimes is) or they could learn to do something else to get their needs met so they don’t need to avoid or withdraw.

If someone is feeling the need to demand, it’s possibly a sign they feel their needs are consistently being unmet, or unlikely to be met without forceful communication so it’s worth looking into what’s happening to cause that reaction, both within the person and externally.

 

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